My OwN LiTtLe CaNvAs Of ThOugHtS

guess everything happens for a reason

guess somehow god planned that i come back home the weekend b4 cny to spend time with my grandad during his final days

though nobody ever suspected that that would be his last weekend with us

so his passing away came as a suprise

normally when i’m home

i usually meet up with flo for our usual coffee session

but that weekend i just wanted to stay home

and i’m glad i did

i rmb monday morning i woke him up, had breakfast with him and then he dropped me off at medan gopeng

then bout 7 something at night,  i just got back from dinner with kevin and lay kuan

i was talking to ingel telling her bout my grandad

and my mum calls me

i thought she was calling to see whether i was ok

instead she tells me that my grandad’s had a heart attack

i was like WHAT?!

is he ok?

no he’s not ok

at that moment i was planning to come home already

5 minutes later i hear my phone ring again

gut feeling told me it’s not going to be good news

true enough

so this passed one week has been tough on us all

and i’m thankful that not one of my frens failed me then

so my thank yous in random order

ingel- thanks for thinking of ways for me to come home that night when i couldn’t think straight, thanks for showering me with hugs and for coming all the way to ipoh with me though u had classes the next day.. thanks roomie!

jack- thanks for everything..for coming all the way down..for your support

devan- thanks for driving all the way down, i know u were tired but i’m touched that u drove all the way here to send me home though u could have chosen not to

kenneth! *hugzzz* thanks my dear for everything..thanks for being there for my family when i was still in kl..thanks for going over to my place right after i called u..basically, thanks for everything coz u’ve done so much for me and i trully appreciate it all..you have a special place in my heart

sue darling! thanks for calling from s’pore and msging me to make sure i was ok..thanks for attending the funeral though u juz arrived that morning..i’m touched sue..guess u never failed to be there for me eventhough u are all the way in s’pore *hugzzz*

lay kuan! my guardian angel..thanks for constantly calling and msging me just to make sure i was doing fine though at times it just made me cry even harder yet i was touched.. thanks for being my eyes and ears in uni and for settling my stuff in uni *hugzzz*

jivan! - my darling! *hugzzz* said he would spare his shoulders for me to cry on but he’s all the way in russia..heh heh..but thanks for being there dear *kisses on cheek*

my darling small boy - heh heh, though in fact u r actually older yet to me u’ll always be my small boy..thanks for constantly calling me, refusing to hang up till u were sure i was ok and msging me although it’s new year just to make sure i’m doing ok..it touched me that though we just recently became close yet u have always been there for me till now..love you small boy! *hugzzz*

claire dear! thanks for your support and kind words..thanks for being there for me physically and emotionally..i appreciate it claire and i’ll always be there for u kayz? love you!

josie! thanks dear for being there..u never fail me each time and i’m grateful for that *hugzzz*

jia dear! thanks for your msges of support kayz…*hugzzz*

carol baby! sorry dear..couldn’t send u off..circumstances..but thanks for msging and all though u were busy *hugzzz*

flo- for ur msges, thanks! *hugzzz*

kevin- my recently became close fren..heh heh..thanks for msging and calling..thanks for settling my stuff for me in uni..i’ll always be there when u need me kayz *hugzzz*

alvin - for making sure i was ok..ur concern touched me *hugzzz*

my uncles, aunties and cousins who were worried that i might be alone in kl when i got the news..parveen, dinesh, uncle woon and leena..thanks for calling that night..

my frens back home and in uni for ur support..

kah mun, mun theng, jon,sze-phing, yi hua, leow, ngan mei, kar hoe,liz,soo ping…thanks!

carol baby,

yes, you will always be linked to pretzels

always!

who else can i get high with and be all giggly at the towel section in jusco?

who else can i camwhore with?

who else will call me and say selamat pagi and then go crap! tot u won’t know it’s me?

who else can i bitch about with?

who else will get all dressed up with me when we are only going to jusco and be all selekeh when we go to marias?

who else will sneak in oliver sandwiches and mashed potatoes with me into tgv?

anyways carol baby, very sorry i’m not in kl to celebrate your 21st with you

will make up for it once you are back here ok?

so, happy 21st carol baby!

you have a special place in my heart..

a couple of weeks into my third sem

my sis called me one night

sab, there’s an owl in our house

i was like huh?

it’s called spotty

i was like huh? spotty?

yeah daddy named it

i was like ok..

apparently this baby owl fell from its nest in the golf course opposite my house

so, one of the golfers told my dad the birdwatcher bout it

few weeks later i was back home for the weekend

when i 1st saw the owl

omg..it was beautiful

it was white with brown spots and blue eyes

even my dogs were protective of it

my dad will leave it on the driveway and the owl and the dogs will be walking together…

well actually the owl and one of my dogs..

the other one couldn’t be bothered

when the owl went near it

it just rolled its eyes and walked away

heh heh

however, little did we know when spotty fell from the tree it fractured its wing

so, now the wing has healed the wrong way and well, it restricts it from flying well

spotty is a protected species

so, after months of living with us

spotty is going to taiping zoo

its new home

bye spotty! *waves*

we’ll miss u terribly

omg!

i read your blog entry…

muacksness

very sorry la my dear

i had no idea you blogged

guess how i found it?

i googled my name

ahahahaha

and i saw sabrina chiu mei ling

ahahahahaha

i was like hmmmm…

clicked on it

and

your blog appeared!

http://krazemic.blogspot.com/

i tot it was sabrina chiu mei fong?

ahahahaha

anyways, those were the silly yet full of memory days…

gosh…it has been so long

first of all, i’m very very touched my dear

muackss

hey dear..i remember everything ok..

if you weren’t there who would be the one helping me thru all those akward teenage years la

if you weren’t there who would have help me improve my multitasking skills la

if you weren’t there who would have seen me thru all those teenage crushes la

ahahaha

if you weren’t there would i have ever gone for tuition?

if you weren’t there those tuitiongoingdays would have sucked big time la

if you weren’t there my mum wouldn’t be yelling at me for the overheated phone and the skyrocketting phone bills la

if you weren’t there where am i gonna get my cookies supplies from la

if you weren’t there who would have made me and sue so crazy over the moffats back then la

if you weren’t there who would have insipered us all to write our own novels la

ahahaha..remember?

the bottom line is michy, if you weren’t there i wouldn’t be who i am today

love u lots gal!

to us!

*clinks wine glasses*

back when i was fatter and had bad hair *points up*

memories last forever…..

sue darling,

i read your blog entry

www.iamnotperfectatall.blogspot.com

it moved me

honestly, i was missing you guys terribly

it was my 21st and my best gal frens were not around to spend it with me

but i was very touched that you made so much effort to make my 21st special eventhough you are not back home

i appreciate it much sue

so here…a tribute to us..*clinks wine glasses*    

                                               love you sue!

black eyeliner - an absolute must!

pantene shampoo - think it’s been nearly 10 years,love the smell,*smells hair and smiles* love how my hair feels, rejoice sucks btw, used my mum’s 4 a couple of weeks and ended up with super dry ends but my hair is back to its usual self now thanks to pantene!

auntie anne’s cinnamon pretzels - carol dear..me will never get one unless you are with me..no fun getting high on my own..heh heh

secret recipe’s brownies- yum!

justea!!

black tops - i always wear the same thing rite? i just don’t feel comfortable in other colours

highlights!

eyebrow threading - yeah it hurts but i’m addicted!

stilettos - i love each and every pair i have very dearly..they have invisible strings attached to my heart..heh heh..

my lappie - i need my laptop!

recently rihanna’s unfaithful - think i played and replayed it like a few hundred times..serious..

hair salons - jo once told me she doesn’t know anyone else who spends more time in the hair salon than me..heh heh..it’s nice getting pampered once in awhile..

wan ton mee - i have it every weekend when i’m home till my mum feels like puking looking at it

teh o ais limau - ehehe

neslo - for a short period la during finals last sem..i needed the caffein.. but the thing is me and caffein don’t quite get along..i end up having a headache and feeling high..so lay kuan controls my caffein intake..heh heh..

my dumbells - eh, me have biceps u know, ok stop laughing..it’s true..

my grandad’s lemon juice - thirst quencher

99 % latex pillows - that’s the only thing that i can actually sleep comfortably on..i carry my pillow everywhere you know..even on holidays

bolsters - i can’t sleep without my big bolster

spaghetti bolognaise - you know what, we actually had turkey with stuffing, potato salad, spaghetti and all for dinner today..few months too early for x’mas rite? hmmm…

warm baths - especially on a cold rainy day..

tattoos - chunted rite my red rose tattoo? heh heh

james patterson’s books - unputdownable!

skirts - how often do u see me wear pants?

my family! - muackss

my friends! - *one big fat hug*

my dogs - they r family!

must be the turkey..it got me into a thanksgiving mode..i did mention rite we had turkey for dinner?

i never realised how proud i was to be a malaysian till my trip to hong kong

i couldn’t wait to get back

i just terribly missed everything malaysian

the people, the food, the culture,the lifestyle

basically everything malaysian

recently my grandad handed me this book : all things malaysian

at first i was like, huh? no need la

just have a look through and see

reluctantly took the book

but once i started it i was hooked

reading it i just recalled back how i felt when i was in hong kong

how proud i was of the uniqueness of our culture

a product of a fusion of many and different cultures

a culture only a true malaysian can understand

not something you can learn overnight

it just made me recall how my uncle’s friend in hong kong was so proudly trying to show off hong kong

he kept saying i bet you don’t get this back home

each time he said that i just smiled to myself and told him nicely actually we do have that back home

till now i still laugh remembering how he tried showing off tau fu fa..

*shakes head*

my latest addiction….

Story of my life
Searching for the right
But it keeps avoiding me
Sorrow in my soul
Cause it seems that wrong
Really loves my company

Hes more than a man
And this is more than love
The reason that the sky is blue
But clouds are rolling in
Because I’m gone again
And to him I just can’t be true

And I know that he knows I’m unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I am happy with some other guy
I can see him dying

I don’t wanna do this anymore
I don’t wanna be the reason why
Everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don’t wanna hurt him anymore
I don’t wanna take away his life
I don’t wanna be…
A murdererI feel it in the air
As I’m doing my hair
Preparing for another date
A kiss up on my cheek
He’s here reluctantly
As if I’m gonna be out late
I say I won’t be long
Just hanging with the girls
A lie I didn’t have to tell
Because we both know
Where I’m about to go
And we know it very well

Cause I know that he knows I’m unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I am happy with some other guy
I can see him dying

I don’t wanna do this anymore
I don’t wanna be the reason why
Everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don’t wanna hurt him anymore
I don’t wanna take away his life
I don’t wanna be…
A murderer

Our Love, his trust
I might as well take a gun and put it to his head
Get it over with
I don’t wanna do this
Anymore (anymore)

Cause I know that he knows I’m unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I am happy with some other guy
I can see him dying

actually you know,  it never was the house i was fighting for

it was the fantasy of having a house that looked like that

mainly i was just afraid of loosing that fantasy

anyways

do i look that much different from a couple of years back?

it’s like just before i left for my first sem ppl started telling me i look different

in uni i met a former classmate of mine and she was like omg you look so different

if i’d seen you on the streets i wouldn’t be able to recognize you

i tot it was maybe coz i’d cut my hair a lot shorter and i started using eyeliner

but like last week i went swimming

i had no eyeliner on

and my hair was back to the same length it was when i was in form 6

and i saw a former classmate of mine

after 2 seconds of wild waving

finally she waved back

omg sabrina

you look so different, i didn’t even recognize you

so i guess that 2 seconds before she recognized me

i must have looked rather silly

heh heh

hmmm…hopefully it’s good different la..

heh heh

for months i’ve been silently praying that my once strong grip in faith would be restored

i kept praying that i would go thru an episode which would have such a strong impact on me that it would lead me back to god

and i guess my prayers were answered

and i thank god for that

now i feel like i’ve stepped onto a higher level emotionally, mentally and spiritually

throughout this past year there were times when i knew i didn’t deal with situations the way i normally would have

guess i was thinking more with my heart than with my head

and i hated the person i turned out to be each time i listened to my heart

i never knew that i could be that person that i always told myself  i would never be

deep down i knew that i was damn stupid to listen to my heart

but i kept doing it and i kept getting hurt

but thanks to hardcore upbringing

i never fell hard..

slipped a couple of times but was always able to pull myself up again

and i thank god i have such amazing friends who never failed to be there every single time

it’s a common phrase rite, it’s only during troubled times you know who your true friends are

i’m grateful for the fact that not a single one of them let me down

but i guess i had to fall to learn

believe me

i have!

guess i had to go thru it the hard way to really learn

it made me step out of the painting and look at the big picture

when i stepped out i saw many roads

roads that i’ve walked before

roads i was heading towards

and roads that i would never go near

when i looked back at the roads i once walked

there was a wave of nostalgia

there was this one road in particular

it was really pretty like those sub-urban residential areas

when i walked down it i just felt so at home

i just connected immediately to the surroundings

you know you have this picture in your head how u want your home to be one day

and i found it

but after a period of time

things weren’t so pretty anymore

once you got really close with the ppl

the beautiful looking scenary was just a cover up for all the hell that was going on there

for a long time i kept fooling myself

i wanted to hang on to that fantasy

i just put aside my principles and believes just so i wouldn’t lose it

but i guess reality had slapped me hard

and i woke up one day and realised it can all only be a fantasy