My OwN LiTtLe CaNvAs Of ThOugHtS

sue, let’s take a walk down memory lane

remember dancing rock and roll at syuen hotel?

remember the moffats?

remember watching titanic?

remember singing miss you like crazy over the phone?

remember the countless stay overs?

papadam

remember going over to my aunty’s place to get her help with your saree?

remember once we walked from bio tuition to pizza hut and then we walked to chemi tuition after that?

remember when we used to hang out at jusco?

remember when we used to exchange clothes?

remember when i came over to help clean your house before you moved in and you got jealous coz i was the first one to bathe in your bathroom?

remember we decorated the hall at bougainvilla club for your sis’s wedding dinner?

remember on the eve of ur sis’s wedding dinner we had to go hunting for material in jusco?

remember your mum used to bang on your bedroom door coz we were still talking at 3 in the morning?

remember in the name of meatballs, chickenballs,fishballs and beefballs?

remember blueberry vodka?

remember all the new year’s eve countdowns?

remember getting all dressed up to go out?

remember when you had your appendics operation, i bought you the bouquet of flowers? ehehehe..that shall be between me and you…

remember when i was home alone you came to stay over and we slept with this long,big stick in the room?

remember arguing over how do you know martians speak like that?

remember not paying attention at all and doing all kinds of silly things in tuition, especially at mr goh’s?

remember arguing over who gets to speak first whenever we talk on the phone?

remember i helped you mark the books and we were like laughing like mad over the silly mistakes they made? the funniest i remember was instead of saying we burnt firecrackers, the kid wrote we burnt woodpeckers..ahahaha

sue, that’s just a quarter of the events that we have shared this past 13 years

thanks so much for being the wonderful friend and sis you are

thanks for being there for me when i needed you the most

thanks for constantly calling me and msging me, coming to see me and attending my grandmother’s funeral to offer me comfort and support…your hugs then meant a lot to me..at a time like that all you need is a hug not words

thanks for being there for me post all that as i was going thru so much then..something i’ve never experienced before like you said..

thanks for talking to me at 2 in the morning and msging me at 4 in the morning to make sure i’m ok or just to keep me company during my sleepless nights

thanks for troubling yourself like my last b’day for example just to make it a pleasant one for me

thanks sue for all the little little things you do for me

sorry for not supporting the choices you made at times

remember once i told you that i would never leave you no matter who did? sorry for going against my word k..guess we were akward 13 year olds trying to fit in

and sorry for not being there now especially to support your booming amway business..i know it means a lot to you

i wrote this blog in shocking pink coz i know it’s your current fav colour and it was just like you,bright,head-turning and loud…ahahaha..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DEAR SUE-ZY!

i always had this dream that by expressing my thoughts i’ll prevent someone from committing suicide or at least make them feel better to know that someone else is also going through the same thing they are and that it’s just part and parcel of life.. and to accept things as they come coz it’ll only make you stronger and wiser for the journey ahead..but i never really went through suicidal times before..so,anyways,i’ll share with you among the things and people i’ll miss as the day of leaving for uni edges closer..i know jo feels the same way as well..*hugzzz*

i’m gonna miss my bed!

i’m gonna miss cleanliness!

i’ll miss my house and the people in it! and my dogs!

i’ll miss calling jo up and being philosophical..i’ll miss hanging out in her room and talking for hours..hey jo, we both better get into the same uni or i’ll melancarkan hunger strike! hey, that’s a good idea..i can loose weight in the process..ok jo, that’ll be the plan..if we go to different unis..mogok lapar akan dilancarkan!

ooo..i’ll miss eating cinnamon sugar pretzels with carol and then going high later..ahahaha..remember? garden groove angkat tangan! seriously, the amount of sugar on it can kill..i’ll miss going to the movies and freezing our asses off and later run up the escalators and dash for the car..and be out of breath afterwards

i’ll miss calling sue up and go eh, sue u know ar or arguing over who gets to talk first or arguing over silly things like how do u know martians speak like that..ahahaha..and msging each other at 2 in the morning..and the stay overs..remember few years back we danced on my bed pretending it was the bar in coyote ugly and my mum opened the door..ahaha..

i’ll miss teasing jivan and singing hollaback girl just to annoy him but he never seems annoyed about it..i just realised that..ish, mission failed! i’ll miss not paying attention together during mass and instead end up talking the whole time and listening to all his perverted jokes and he calls me a pervert..sheesh..that’s y la lil boy..y must u be a year younger, if not we can leave together..

i’ll miss ooh-ing and ahh-ing over hot guys with my sis

i’ll miss ganging up with my sis to tease my mum

i’ll miss parading up and down in front of the mirror each time i get a new top or a new skirt..

i’ll miss anne marie calling me up and going sabby or coming to me and asking do u have a top that is this colour..can i borrow it?

ooo..i’ll miss calling liz lembik…ehehe..or her coming up to me and going eh, can lend me your black shorts ar?

i’ll miss watching astro

i’ll miss privacy!

i’ll miss taking long warm baths

my grandaunt once told me ———->

"you are only a princess in your father’s house so enjoy what you have now"

so, i shall enjoy that privellage till the very last day i leave.

*screams while running* help!! the cleanliness of uni toilets is here to haunt me! i don’t quite understand something..why is it that there are some people whose hygiene level stoops below zero? why didn’t God include this gene in all humans that makes them prioritise cleanliness?

note to self:-among things to take along to uni

1. dettol

2. clorox

3. vim

4. rubber gloves

5. slippers

6. brushes

i understand that the start of uni life can be an overwhelming experience for most people in one way or another. whether it is the fact that you have to stand on your own two feet after years of dependence, being in a whole new place or being all alone at the beginning. but in my case, nothing freaks me out more than the thought of the cleanliness of the bathrooms there. quotes jo "each time i go to take a bath, i’ll be like this moving operation with all my toiletries, clothes and bathroom cleaning materials"

i always categorised people who used blogs as their online diaries as people who are lamely trying to seek for attention. however, i realised that a blog was a great way to reach out to people and get your opinions across. hence, the name of my blog…my own little canvas of thoughts..similar to a painter’s canvas..an expression of the painter’s thoughts and emotions..

to kickstart my blog, let me share with you how this past month has changed my perspective of life. all my life i have been terrified of death. each time i attended a funeral, i would come home freaked cause it would just remind me of the fact that i would have to go through it one day. however, since the passing away of my grandmother, i’ve realised that death is not so scary after all..its just part of the cycle of life. i no longer see death as the end of the cycle but the beginning of a whole new cycle. and now, i’ve even planned my own funeral..seriously..i want to be sent off with elegance..i want the entire place to be filled with long stemmed red roses, ladies dressed in black cocktail dresses and men dressed in black suits.

i used to say "whatever science cannot prove, i don’t believe". but now i’ve learned that not everything can be scientifically proven. when i share with people the incident that made me change, some people pass it off as me imagining things. however, those who have experienced it understand what i’m trying to say.i don’t hold prejudice against the former cause i was one of them before. i see where they are coming from. you have to experience it to understand it.

and i’ve learned that just because it’s not scientifically possible doesn’t mean it can’t happen or it’s not true. in time things that can’t be proven now will be proven then as science is an ongoing process.