My OwN LiTtLe CaNvAs Of ThOugHtS

carol dear

i just realised how much i’m gonna miss you gal

i sat on my bed looking through the zillion pics we took yesterday

i really had fun yesterday

i knew i was vain but i didn’t know i was that vain

hehe

i just read your blog and i feel the exact same way!

i’m gonna miss eating cinnamon sugar pretzels and going high

i’m gonna miss movie nights

i’m gonna miss shopping together

i’m gonna miss your smses that you send me in the mornings nearly every day

more often than not on most days, when i wake up, the first sms i read is yours

but most of all i’m gonna miss you gal so much!

*hugs tightly*

i’ll come over k when i’m back

u call me k

me will be all alone,hungry and too disgusted by the bathrooms to bathe in upm

come sunday, the dawn of a brand new chapter

first taste of independence

yet as the day edges nearer i can’t help but feel a lil nervous

actually it’s an event of mixed emotions

but i guess the hecticness of it all has kept me from thinking about all the things i’m going to miss

although i feel truly grateful and blessed that i was offered a place in a public uni to do a course which i wanted, i can’t help but feel a lil pissed at the way the whole system is being conducted

first of all, it was bad enough they kept postponing the results

and when results were released i was like ok, since it’s a public uni obviously you need to be dressed conservatively in a semi-formal way

so off i went shopping for more pants,baby t’s and tops

spent a fortune

when i received my offer letter on weds, i was like what?!

upm has this concept that we have to be dressed in black skirts and white tops throughout the whole week of orientation

so now my poor mummy has to fork out more money

and i could only get my medical check up done today since the medical form only came yesterday

and now i have to go back to skool to get certs certified

not only my certs but my parents’ birth certs as well

and i have to open an account at bank bumiputra commerce

after the arrival of my offer letter on weds, i had to forget bout me wanting to meet up with ppl i was going to miss terribly when i leave

i’m only going to serdang i have so much to do

what about those poor ppl who are going across to the east?

so little time yet so much to do

what is the government thinking?

excuse my language but i think the whole system is fucked up

thats the only way to describe it

*shakes head*

seriously

and wat about those ppl who worked their asses off doing form 6 but didn’t get a place?

if 4 a’s can’t secure you a place, then what can?

*takes a deep breath*

i read and reread my previous blog entry like a zillion times and i was like goodness..what happened to me la?

i sound so emotional!

what was i thinking la writing that blog

then it hit me

HORMONES!

ish…it’s so unfair la

why must women endure this whole torturous period every month?

isn’t it bad enough that we have to endure the physical pain?

isn’t bad enough that we have to stuff ourselves with iron and calcium tablets?

isn’t it bad enough we have to spend so much money buying sanitary pads?

money that i can use to buy me a nice top

why must we be affected emotionally as well?

and then when it all finally comes to an end

all hell breaks loose

we turn into monsters with permanent PMS

screaming our heads off for no apparent reason

getting annoyed at the smallest things

percentage of us being at risk for cancer, heart disease and osteoporosis doubles

where is the justice?

God, *looks up at the ceiling*

i hope you are reading this cause this is so gender discrimination…*waves fist*

thus,we deserve to be treated with respect

why are our rights being violated?

why are men seen as superior to us?

why are women treated like objects?

why are there still a large portion of women victims of physical,mental and emotional abuse?

why are there so many cultures that see women as unpure creatures who should be kept locked up from the world?

why should we be treated any lower just because we are women?

is being a woman a sin?

the past couple of days i have been looking through and uploading pics

so yeah, lots of memories came flooding in as i looked through all the pics

i saw the 1st digital pic i took with my sis..i remember it was then that i realised aiyo, my poor sis doesn’t know how to smile for the camera..it took so many shots to finally get a nice one..

then i saw pics from the interact installation and i recalled back how we worked our asses off..i was actually quite proud of how the club turned out at the end of our term..we had an unbelivable amount of cash in our funding account, we restored the club back to its former glory..i guess what made our board so strong were virtues like patience, giving and taking and the ability to separate business from personal..yeah, there were times when we hated each other’s guts but we were able to put that aside and work as a team for the club *smiles proudly*

and then i came across pics from my b’day..i remembered that was one hectic day. i got up at 7 to do last minute revisions, this that this that and it was already time to get ready to go to skool..and there i was in skool too excited to even sit down to do any last minute brain storming coz it was the final paper! when we were in the exam hall..my tummy was grumbling,only then i realised i hadn’t had lunch..i was so restless..waiting for them to collect our papers..FINALLY! they did! yay! bye bye skool life! i hadta get home..jo and carol were waiting for me..got home showered as fast as i could, jo arrived, carol arrived, drove all the way to old town wanting to get henna done on our hands but the lady was too busy, nvm, went to jusco and who do we meet there? alvin! honestly, i didn’t recognize him at first sight *smiles* rushed to sue’s place, got dressed and off we went to moven peak..hey, alvin, when i looked back at pics from my b’day, i thought of you and how we went from this feels akward at the beginning of the night to so close at the end of the night. *hugzzz* memories last forever…

then i came across pics from the genting trip and when i went to hong kong..and i remembered how i had a fever on the plane thanks to sue *smiles* and i remembered how i missed home so much and couldn’t wait to get back..i missed my bed, i missed the laid-back lifestyle of malaysians, i missed seeing people of different races on the streets, i missed my friends, i missed malaysian food,i missed space..i’m also claustraphobic btw,since space is limited there,it was hell for me..i just missed so many things back home..it was on this trip that i realised how proud i was to be a malaysian..my uncle’s friend was like trying his very best to show off hong kong food..each time we ate something he was like i bet u don’t get that back home..i was like no la, we have it back home..he was like shocked and one day he took us to eat tau foo fa *i know!* and said this is your first time,huh?      

today, i came across a blogsite of a family friend,his dad and my dad were real close and our families still remain close after the passing away of his dad due to cancer last year.

i recall i was too involved with form six to pay him a visit during his last days. actually i didn’t know that he was slowly degrading as my parents never mentioned it to me. i don’t know why they didn’t, maybe cause i was preparing for trials then.the morning my mum told me uncle laurence passed away this morning, i was like what?! y suddenly? i was shocked.

when we went to pay our last respects, i was taken aback..he didn’t look like the man that i used to know..he looked so old and frail..and after the funeral i was looking through all the condolences that some of the people sent in to my dad’s e-mail and i came across one of the last pictures he took, i was like shocked..he had lost so much weight and he looked sick..i felt so bad i never went to see him..tears were rolling down my cheeks…

i’ve realised blogging has made things easier for me to be more expressive as i was never really good at expressing myself. even when i used to attend RCIT before my baptism, bout 4 years ago, when it came to sharing, expressing and all that, i would be the only one with little to say. the others would have loads to say even the guys.

so, a blog isn’t such a bad idea after all.