My OwN LiTtLe CaNvAs Of ThOugHtS

ok..it’s been ages but i finally updated my xanga blog

a lil emotional but go check it out!

check out my new blog!

dogs i like

but never cats

my fourth night there

at 4 in the morning

i was wondering what is that sound

when i opened my eyes

there was this cat on my pillow

just centimetres away from my face

thank god i didn’t scream and wake up the entire floor

i tried using my bolster to move it yet it wouldn’t budge

finally i tilted my pillow

it jumped onto the floor

curled into a ball and slept there

i was like you stupid cat i want you to get out not sleep on the floor

i opened my room door and it left

i flipped my pillow case inside out

but i was still too terrified to sleep

but i was so sleepy that i was fast asleep in a matter of minutes

the next day i took out all my covers

soaked, scrubed and washed them well

from that day forth i now sleep with the windows close

since then

each time i walk pass a cat i shiver in fear

i’m home!

yay!

real, home cooked food finally

after two weeks of eating out

i always thought that i would be among the weaker ones since i’m so spoilt and all

but i wasn’t

i never was home sick

i never cried coz i couldn’t take the verbally and mentally abusive college orientation

and on friday after my last lecture

i turned to my friend ingel and said

u know what

i don’t really feel like going home

i’m having fun here

she was like

yeah, me too!

but i guess it was because of caring and gila-gila friends like her that made me feel so at home there

i was afraid i wouldn’t be able to find friends that really match my personality

but thank god i did

though we are contented living in the environment we are in

but i can’t wait to move out

after a week of sleeping alone

i now have to share my room with two other people

it’s kinda congested

i like space and privacy

although it’s only been two weeks

still i feel that i have learned and grown a lot

when i saw jo on friday

she was like sab, u r so grown up adi

*grins widely*

bangga la

so, this is me now

a more grown-up and slightly less spoilt sabrina

*head held high, chest up and a proud smile*

oh my goodness!

it’s been ages!

i was already having withdrawal symptoms

finally!

the instant i touched the keyboard there was a burst of emotions in me

god bless my lecturer for having a meeting in kl

giving me enough time to run to the cc and catch the bus to my next lecture

but however i dun have enough time to really sit down and blog as i roughly know the place of my next lecture but finding the exact location will take awhile

so it’s time to walk back and wait for the bus

*sticks out lower lip*

oh btw, i was so excited typing my blog i accidently swallowed my gum

*shakes head*

carol dear

i just realised how much i’m gonna miss you gal

i sat on my bed looking through the zillion pics we took yesterday

i really had fun yesterday

i knew i was vain but i didn’t know i was that vain

hehe

i just read your blog and i feel the exact same way!

i’m gonna miss eating cinnamon sugar pretzels and going high

i’m gonna miss movie nights

i’m gonna miss shopping together

i’m gonna miss your smses that you send me in the mornings nearly every day

more often than not on most days, when i wake up, the first sms i read is yours

but most of all i’m gonna miss you gal so much!

*hugs tightly*

i’ll come over k when i’m back

u call me k

me will be all alone,hungry and too disgusted by the bathrooms to bathe in upm

come sunday, the dawn of a brand new chapter

first taste of independence

yet as the day edges nearer i can’t help but feel a lil nervous

actually it’s an event of mixed emotions

but i guess the hecticness of it all has kept me from thinking about all the things i’m going to miss

although i feel truly grateful and blessed that i was offered a place in a public uni to do a course which i wanted, i can’t help but feel a lil pissed at the way the whole system is being conducted

first of all, it was bad enough they kept postponing the results

and when results were released i was like ok, since it’s a public uni obviously you need to be dressed conservatively in a semi-formal way

so off i went shopping for more pants,baby t’s and tops

spent a fortune

when i received my offer letter on weds, i was like what?!

upm has this concept that we have to be dressed in black skirts and white tops throughout the whole week of orientation

so now my poor mummy has to fork out more money

and i could only get my medical check up done today since the medical form only came yesterday

and now i have to go back to skool to get certs certified

not only my certs but my parents’ birth certs as well

and i have to open an account at bank bumiputra commerce

after the arrival of my offer letter on weds, i had to forget bout me wanting to meet up with ppl i was going to miss terribly when i leave

i’m only going to serdang i have so much to do

what about those poor ppl who are going across to the east?

so little time yet so much to do

what is the government thinking?

excuse my language but i think the whole system is fucked up

thats the only way to describe it

*shakes head*

seriously

and wat about those ppl who worked their asses off doing form 6 but didn’t get a place?

if 4 a’s can’t secure you a place, then what can?

*takes a deep breath*

i read and reread my previous blog entry like a zillion times and i was like goodness..what happened to me la?

i sound so emotional!

what was i thinking la writing that blog

then it hit me

HORMONES!

ish…it’s so unfair la

why must women endure this whole torturous period every month?

isn’t it bad enough that we have to endure the physical pain?

isn’t bad enough that we have to stuff ourselves with iron and calcium tablets?

isn’t it bad enough we have to spend so much money buying sanitary pads?

money that i can use to buy me a nice top

why must we be affected emotionally as well?

and then when it all finally comes to an end

all hell breaks loose

we turn into monsters with permanent PMS

screaming our heads off for no apparent reason

getting annoyed at the smallest things

percentage of us being at risk for cancer, heart disease and osteoporosis doubles

where is the justice?

God, *looks up at the ceiling*

i hope you are reading this cause this is so gender discrimination…*waves fist*

thus,we deserve to be treated with respect

why are our rights being violated?

why are men seen as superior to us?

why are women treated like objects?

why are there still a large portion of women victims of physical,mental and emotional abuse?

why are there so many cultures that see women as unpure creatures who should be kept locked up from the world?

why should we be treated any lower just because we are women?

is being a woman a sin?

the past couple of days i have been looking through and uploading pics

so yeah, lots of memories came flooding in as i looked through all the pics

i saw the 1st digital pic i took with my sis..i remember it was then that i realised aiyo, my poor sis doesn’t know how to smile for the camera..it took so many shots to finally get a nice one..

then i saw pics from the interact installation and i recalled back how we worked our asses off..i was actually quite proud of how the club turned out at the end of our term..we had an unbelivable amount of cash in our funding account, we restored the club back to its former glory..i guess what made our board so strong were virtues like patience, giving and taking and the ability to separate business from personal..yeah, there were times when we hated each other’s guts but we were able to put that aside and work as a team for the club *smiles proudly*

and then i came across pics from my b’day..i remembered that was one hectic day. i got up at 7 to do last minute revisions, this that this that and it was already time to get ready to go to skool..and there i was in skool too excited to even sit down to do any last minute brain storming coz it was the final paper! when we were in the exam hall..my tummy was grumbling,only then i realised i hadn’t had lunch..i was so restless..waiting for them to collect our papers..FINALLY! they did! yay! bye bye skool life! i hadta get home..jo and carol were waiting for me..got home showered as fast as i could, jo arrived, carol arrived, drove all the way to old town wanting to get henna done on our hands but the lady was too busy, nvm, went to jusco and who do we meet there? alvin! honestly, i didn’t recognize him at first sight *smiles* rushed to sue’s place, got dressed and off we went to moven peak..hey, alvin, when i looked back at pics from my b’day, i thought of you and how we went from this feels akward at the beginning of the night to so close at the end of the night. *hugzzz* memories last forever…

then i came across pics from the genting trip and when i went to hong kong..and i remembered how i had a fever on the plane thanks to sue *smiles* and i remembered how i missed home so much and couldn’t wait to get back..i missed my bed, i missed the laid-back lifestyle of malaysians, i missed seeing people of different races on the streets, i missed my friends, i missed malaysian food,i missed space..i’m also claustraphobic btw,since space is limited there,it was hell for me..i just missed so many things back home..it was on this trip that i realised how proud i was to be a malaysian..my uncle’s friend was like trying his very best to show off hong kong food..each time we ate something he was like i bet u don’t get that back home..i was like no la, we have it back home..he was like shocked and one day he took us to eat tau foo fa *i know!* and said this is your first time,huh?      

today, i came across a blogsite of a family friend,his dad and my dad were real close and our families still remain close after the passing away of his dad due to cancer last year.

i recall i was too involved with form six to pay him a visit during his last days. actually i didn’t know that he was slowly degrading as my parents never mentioned it to me. i don’t know why they didn’t, maybe cause i was preparing for trials then.the morning my mum told me uncle laurence passed away this morning, i was like what?! y suddenly? i was shocked.

when we went to pay our last respects, i was taken aback..he didn’t look like the man that i used to know..he looked so old and frail..and after the funeral i was looking through all the condolences that some of the people sent in to my dad’s e-mail and i came across one of the last pictures he took, i was like shocked..he had lost so much weight and he looked sick..i felt so bad i never went to see him..tears were rolling down my cheeks…

i’ve realised blogging has made things easier for me to be more expressive as i was never really good at expressing myself. even when i used to attend RCIT before my baptism, bout 4 years ago, when it came to sharing, expressing and all that, i would be the only one with little to say. the others would have loads to say even the guys.

so, a blog isn’t such a bad idea after all.

sue, let’s take a walk down memory lane

remember dancing rock and roll at syuen hotel?

remember the moffats?

remember watching titanic?

remember singing miss you like crazy over the phone?

remember the countless stay overs?

papadam

remember going over to my aunty’s place to get her help with your saree?

remember once we walked from bio tuition to pizza hut and then we walked to chemi tuition after that?

remember when we used to hang out at jusco?

remember when we used to exchange clothes?

remember when i came over to help clean your house before you moved in and you got jealous coz i was the first one to bathe in your bathroom?

remember we decorated the hall at bougainvilla club for your sis’s wedding dinner?

remember on the eve of ur sis’s wedding dinner we had to go hunting for material in jusco?

remember your mum used to bang on your bedroom door coz we were still talking at 3 in the morning?

remember in the name of meatballs, chickenballs,fishballs and beefballs?

remember blueberry vodka?

remember all the new year’s eve countdowns?

remember getting all dressed up to go out?

remember when you had your appendics operation, i bought you the bouquet of flowers? ehehehe..that shall be between me and you…

remember when i was home alone you came to stay over and we slept with this long,big stick in the room?

remember arguing over how do you know martians speak like that?

remember not paying attention at all and doing all kinds of silly things in tuition, especially at mr goh’s?

remember arguing over who gets to speak first whenever we talk on the phone?

remember i helped you mark the books and we were like laughing like mad over the silly mistakes they made? the funniest i remember was instead of saying we burnt firecrackers, the kid wrote we burnt woodpeckers..ahahaha

sue, that’s just a quarter of the events that we have shared this past 13 years

thanks so much for being the wonderful friend and sis you are

thanks for being there for me when i needed you the most

thanks for constantly calling me and msging me, coming to see me and attending my grandmother’s funeral to offer me comfort and support…your hugs then meant a lot to me..at a time like that all you need is a hug not words

thanks for being there for me post all that as i was going thru so much then..something i’ve never experienced before like you said..

thanks for talking to me at 2 in the morning and msging me at 4 in the morning to make sure i’m ok or just to keep me company during my sleepless nights

thanks for troubling yourself like my last b’day for example just to make it a pleasant one for me

thanks sue for all the little little things you do for me

sorry for not supporting the choices you made at times

remember once i told you that i would never leave you no matter who did? sorry for going against my word k..guess we were akward 13 year olds trying to fit in

and sorry for not being there now especially to support your booming amway business..i know it means a lot to you

i wrote this blog in shocking pink coz i know it’s your current fav colour and it was just like you,bright,head-turning and loud…ahahaha..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DEAR SUE-ZY!